He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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