Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
