Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
