Her vagina should come with caution tape.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
