Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize