So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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