Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
