my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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