I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize