it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
