tell your sister to shave her snatch
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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