The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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