She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
