My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
