I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
