he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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