My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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