I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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