i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize