what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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