Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
