So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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