Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
