one word: firstdatebathroomanal
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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