I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We need to get me chipped asap
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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