I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
