I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
