I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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