my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
