your parents love me but you hate me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
