Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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