So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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