I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
