I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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