Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
