pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
