I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
