Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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