Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
