college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
