I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
