dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
