Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
