Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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