I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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