What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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