apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
