It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
