marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Already got asked if we're dating
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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