Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
