I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
