Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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