Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
is it fun? or sober?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
