i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
