Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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