Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
