when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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