Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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