just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
