remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
