Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
