no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
