im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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