I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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