Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
