Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
