I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize