After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Operation Purity has been aborted
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
