i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
