If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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