dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize