i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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