i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
