the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
