Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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