Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
