Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize