Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
