when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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