i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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