I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
