I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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