i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
