Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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