She's JV to your varsity
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
