I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
