They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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