my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
