you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize