I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you never un-have a 4some
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
