News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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