he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
