woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
