i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
