what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
