Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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