sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
