I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
