My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
