how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
