I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize