This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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